What we learn early in life about bonding becomes the blueprint for how we operate in intimate relationships as adults. I want talk about attachment because it’s vulnerable and it touches our foundational beliefs about love and safety. Being educated about why we do what we do to bond builds awareness, self-compassion and a greater perspective into our relationship triggers.Read More
The conditioning you experienced as a child sounds so intensely annihilating and painful. Your bravery to share this vulnerably has moved me to tears. The early imprints that you inherited from your family system laid some deep tracks in your psyche. I can empathize and relate to the trauma imprints of feeling used and unworthy. Based on your experience, you learned to distrust relationships as a nourishing safe harbor and instead experienced them as a war zone of expectations, demands, and criticism.Read More
Boundary-setting is an important self-care practice. Establishing clear boundaries is necessary to maintain evolutionary, authentic, consensual, and respectful relationships in all domains of life. Boundaries are a form of power. They empower us to express our needs in relationship, whether that’s in our relationship to ourselves or others. Boundaries also offer us a forum to negotiate, using our authentic voice to stand in solidarity with our inner value system.Read More
I don’t believe that a successful relationship requires our partner to feel and believe the same as us. However, I do feel that we need to have enough shared reality when it comes to our core values and purpose in partnership to grow into our greatest potential together. This shared relational ground is what helps us make our differences digestible and opens the door to growth and transformation. When we feel like we’re suddenly not growing together, it’s a good time to take inventory.Read More
Have you ever wondered what your fantasies reveal about your deeper self? What if our fantasies, sexual and non-sexual, are powerful doorways to make conscious what we actually long for beneath the surface of our daily life?
In addition to our biological impulse to procreate and experience pleasure, we come to sex to fulfill a need to feel something specific.
Today, I’m going to offer you various entry points to study your fantasy life. And if you think “I don’t fantasize,” stay with me, because you may not realize the ways in which you do fantasize every day.Read More
If we don’t pay attention to our needs and disappointments, we miss opportunities to deepen intimacy with ourselves and our partners. Yet, these topics are riddled with shame. At the root of our human experience, we all want to know we matter, that we belong and that we are lovable and enough just as we are. Much of our patterned sexual behavior is based on our earliest sexual experiences. What we learn early on drives how we show up as adults in all parts of our lives, including in bed. Our conditioning can be transformed with self-awareness, self compassion, and a safe and loving environment of experimentation, mindfulness and spaciousness.Read More
The answer is simple in theory. The application of theory is a lifetime journey of practice, self-compassion, fierce honesty and discipline. To unwind our conditioning it to let go of the ways we’ve identified with our roles (healer, teacher, parent, business executive) as well as who we think we should be to belong and feel enough (a loyal person, a kind person, the one in charge, smart, successful, athletic, etc.) To expose the ways in which we habitually react out of fear (control), withdrawn from love (protect), or override our authentic needs (comply) to maintain connection.Read More
There are times in life when we are maxed out, brain-fogged and spinning like a top with anxiety and narrating stories of the difficult things that might happen as a result of the challenge or uncertainty in front of us. This is the grit of being a primal animal wired with safety and threat signals. We are driven not just by physical survival of food, water and shelter, but also by emotional and psychological survival. We share a universal, basic need to belong, to contribute, and to know we’re loved and that we matter. Any threat to these basic needs can cause stress and overwhelm.Read More